Sunday, 5 July 2015

LATE NIGHT RAMBLINGS

Life has been pretty good so far and I am happy so I shall blog, yay ヾ(^-^)ノ

Went to Teoheng with T4 today! We booked two large rooms because T4 is just that huge, tee hee. And oh my gosh, Teoheng with the right bunch of crazy people is the best.

Screaming along to songs like Numb, 飚高音 to songs like Let It Go, rapping along to Super Bass and using my chipmunk voice for Barbie Girl was crazy fun especially when everyone else joins in.

Also, I love all the usual karaoke songs like 听海,屋顶,龙卷风 and I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing. To have a whole room of people sing together is an amazing feeling.

By the way, here is a video of the Stallion singing. Wait till the end hahaha his sound effects seriously.

video


My throat probably suffered terribly today because I don't know how to sing with my diaphragm and over-exerted my throat. Sigh, all the camps and karaoke will kill my voice one day.

Dinner after that was quite fun as well cos it turned into a gossiping session at my side of the table, hehe.

***

In other news, I am done with my first week of work!

First of all, the food from the dining hall has been consistently good the past five days. I am so impressed – can Tembusu dining hall up their game please.

There was this 4th of July themed lunch on Friday! The themed food (hot dogs, potato chips and corn) were quite meh, but the other stuff were great. Here's a badly-taken photo:

The mac n cheese was cafe-worthy and probably better than some restaurants. The dory fish reminded me of 辣椒鱼 from Nan Hua!!!

Okay, end of gushing over dining room food because I have been doing that in the previous posts already.

Regarding work, I am far from learning everything that I need to know, so this is probably just the tip of the iceberg.

Things will get much more stressful and hectic, which is a little daunting. Still, how else will I learn? I wanted an internship to gain experience, and it will be from this that I achieve it.

- Some reflections and pep talk ahead, skip if uninterested because I will be very longwinded -

Hmm, in my past few days of work, I definitely under-performed by my own standards. Failing to meet deadlines so terribly and forgetting to check the mailbox, oops.

Some things I have been meaning to reflect on but never had the time to pen my thoughts till now:

01.

It was unfortunate that my desktop was extreeemely lag on a heavy news day. Every page took forever to load and things stopped responding when I switched between tabs or did anything like try to paste something in Word. Never have I felt this glad about switching over to a Mac two years ago.

BUT. I hate when I keep making excuses for myself. Too slow with news briefs? Blame the computer. No eve, don't push the blame to other things/people.

Lately, I noticed how quick I am to make excuses for myself. Actor-observer bias, I suppose, but that is a shitty attitude to have and I have been trying to change it. (Also, I find it quite ironic to use the actor-observer bias to justify such a habit, ha ha.)

02.

Regarding the miscommunication and checking of mailbox, haiyo eve you cannot assume others will do the job so you just dismiss it. This is another thing I have always known I should improve on as well – taking initiative and assuming responsibility more readily.

I always believed that the most trivial and innocuous things we do each day matter and reveal more about ourselves than grand gestures. Such habits that I wish to improve on, it just has to begin from the simplest actions in my everyday life.

As a freshie at camps, I remember telling myself to stop being so hesitant and just take the initiative when nobody wants to step up. They want a freshie to lead a cheer for the first time? Just go (and Rachel did with me yay).

Even stupid things like the mic at Teoheng running out of battery and seeing everyone leave the mic alone, just be the one to bring it to the counter and ask for a change of batteries. Or starting a blog again so I have a platform to write more frequently, even if it's the usual nonsense.

I believe the tiny changes we make will slowly amount to something more, and these small actions will gradually develop into habits that get triggered when it comes to more critical moments in life.

03.

I also realised, yet again, how I have workaholic tendencies and high expectations for myself.

Most people wouldn't notice this about me because I do not exhibit such tendencies when it comes to schoolwork. I procrastinate a lot in school, but not when it comes to work.

Back when I was in CNNY and had to edit videos, I would stay glued to the computer in our CCA room, editing away. I don't care if it was 9pm and my stomach was growling and in need of dinner, I just had to edit it to perfection.

It's not just about doing the work – I was actually happy to stay back and edit the videos. Nobody would care if I didn't stay back, and I was the chairperson so it's not like a superior would scold me. I just enjoyed it.

Even when the video was of reasonable standard, I would watch it over and over again to look for areas to improve. My thought process was something alone the lines of "okay I can finally go home now but wait, I think I want to make it even better first."

And now, at work, I realised I cannot stand leaving things half-done. Even though I ended up staying till 7p.m. on Friday, I would prefer that to leaving it half-done, bugging me over the weekend and having to deal with it again on Monday.

I actually enjoy doing work, ohmaigawd?!

04.

Also, like I've noticed from my CNNY days, I actually have rather high expectations for myself (and inevitably for others as well). It took a lot for a video to meet my standards, which was why I insisted on editing it so thoroughly.

When I reflect on my roles in the various excos I joined, I am never satisfied with whatever I have done. I could have been a way better chairperson/director/vice-president than I was, and there will always always be room for improvement.

Even with my blog, I will read old entries and edit any grammatical errors or typos. Sometimes I read my old tweets and delete those with typos, ha ha too free is it (;¬_¬)

So at work, I aim to improve on completing news briefs from 11a.m. to 945a.m. Even then, I will just tell myself to do better since completing it even earlier means more time to do other things. That sounds very impossible but once again, what is the harm in aiming higher?

Ultimately, things will never be good enough. "Good enough" is never truly good enough because it can always be better.

My perspective is that perfection will always be unattainable, but we should strive towards it anyway. It is like an asymptote –  you can never reach it, but you just keep going and keep approaching it as much as you can, for as long as you can.

Because it has no limit, the pursuit will never end. But it is precisely because it will never end, that there will be endless room for self-improvement no matter how old you get or how skilled you become. There is no excuse for resting on your laurels because there is always something you can improve on.

On the other hand, I guess the danger of such a mindset is the readiness to be content with failure.

If my perspective is "aim high even though it's impossible and you won't reach it," it sounds like I am already accepting failure as an option, if not as the inevitable. It becomes easier to tell myself "you sucked but never mind it was expected anyway so who cares." There is a fine line to navigate.

Perhaps another danger would be dealing with disappointments when I fail to meet my unattainable expectations, but I think I am quite okay with handling stress and setbacks, so that is one good thing I reflected about myself so far ( ᐛ )و

At the end of the day, it is easy to have such ideals but to actually execute it is another story. I rambled on for so long in this entry, but all that is bullshit if I don't show anything through my actions.

***

Okay, it is 3:46a.m. now because I always have such reflections late at night. I should turn in soon because weekends are now precious days for rest.

Looking forward to several dinners and meet-ups this coming week yay ٩(^ᴗ^)۶

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